Love in the Long Term

How do you know if you are truly in love? Is your new love the ‘real deal,” or are they just the “flavor of the month?” What are the things that can make the person in your life that special someone, the one you have been waiting for your whole life.

To understand the deeper meaning of your relationship, just start by asking yourself some simple questions. Here are a few:

“What does love mean to me?”
Write down all your thoughts and feelings about what a loving relationship would be like for you. The act of putting your thoughts on paper is the first step towards sorting out any questions in your mind. Writing can go a long way to self-discovery.

“Is it love or infatuation?”
Try to identify the difference between love and lust. Lust is an intense sexual desire. Infatuation refers to the initial stage of a relationship. Remember that if you are “crazy” about your new love, this feeling may fade over time. The infatuation phase of a typical relationship is the first six months. A lust is healthy in a relationship, but just makes sure there is something more long term between you and your partner.

“What do you think?”

Ask other people, friends and family. How do they define love? How do they know if they loved someone? A good circle of friends will give you a better perspective on love. True friends want you to be in love. Love makes everyone a better person.

“How do I feel?”
Make a list. Organize your thoughts. Write down how you do feel about your partner. Do you enjoy their company? What interests do the two of you have in common? Do you feel safe with them? Do you trust them?

“How are we doing?”
Think about how well the two of you relate to each other. Be honest with yourself. Do you communicate well with each other? Have you argued in the past? How do you handle disagreements (and there will be disagreements)? Does it start a conversation or a fight?

“Do I act the same when I am not with them?”
Are you acting differently when you are around your partner? Do your friends comment on how you seem to be happier (or sadder) when you are alone with them?

“Do I love them or just a few things about them?”
Ask yourself if you accept your partner as a whole person. Do not just love the parts of them you like, but love the person they are. Small things, like leaving the cap off the toothpaste, may grow to be major annoyances as years go on.

The heart of a loving relationship is realizing that it is not just you or just your partner. It is the both of you and how you work together. The dynamic you have with your partner is what keeps a relationship alive. The sum of a relationship is greater than the individual parts.

Love can be the most important part of your life; it goes a long way to keep you happy and healthy. Everyone deserves a shot at true happiness. For long-term happiness, you only need to take the time to understand your partner and ask yourself some basic questions. You (and your partner) will benefit.