Is the Happiness of Others on Facebook Bumming You Out?
Author Ambrose Bierce humorously defines “happiness” as “an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.” Now, as we know, there is always a little truth in humor. For many, it is actually common to feel better about one’s self or one’s situation when facing the misfortunes of another. This is because it is more difficult to celebrate one’s own successes when another’s gains seem superior to our own. For example, How can I get that excited about my new Mazda when my neighbor just bought a Porsche?! Forget the fact that you are different people, with different experiences, backgrounds, and support systems. With most things, what it all boils down to are RESULTS, and we can’t help but view our results differently, better or worse, when comparing them to those of our peers. Seems like this habit is just part of our human nature, and sort of reminiscent of the “Survival of the Fittest” theory in that we naturally strive to outlive or, in this case, out-success our competitors. In the past, these grand purchases and achievements would typically just be shared at parties, ceremonies, or through letters…
But now, there is FACEBOOK! With this online community, one’s happiness is immediately shared with the world via photos, wall posts, comments, likes, and more. Now you can see instantly when people are happy due to this rapid, in-your-face evidence on our computers – and even on our phones nowadays. News of others’ happiness is almost inescapable.
Of course, we want our friends to be happy, but Facebook isn’t just filled with our friends anymore. Let’s be real – we all have lots of acquaintances we met once on our profiles as well as people we actually do not even like anymore, such as exes or friends of exes (whom we only keep in our contacts in order to keep abreast of what they are up to lately). We generally do not like to see these people happier than us!
It just hurts sometimes to see people, especially people we don’t necessarily like, getting the things that we want in life; it reminds us that we haven’t achieved those accomplishments yet. I’ll admit I get jealous at times when people’s relationship status changes from “Single” to “In a Relationship” or “Engaged” or “Married.” In addition, I become envious of anybody who has a newborn, so I do the unthinkable: I hide posts from ALL people with BABIES! This way, I never have to see their dreadfully cute baby pictures or disgustingly playful posts pop up in my news feed. I do this because their pictures and remarks remind me that I don’t have children of my own even though I want them badly. Essentially, it’s not that their happiness depresses me; it’s that it reminds me of what I’m missing in my own life. And this hinders me from enjoying the things I do have and appreciate right now! In the end, it’s better for my own success to hide the success of others, ironically. Otherwise, I feel like I am always behind in the game of life and not drumming to my own beat.
I must also admit that I get especially bitter if I feel the person doesn’t deserve great things because they are spoiled, mean, or undeserving in some other way. With that said, I am ecstatic when I see that my close friends and family members are doing well. This pleases me beyond belief, and I want to “Like” and “Comment” away on their statuses. Basically, when a good person in my close circle achieves success, I want nothing more than to celebrate it. So, when I get bummed out by other people’s happiness on Facebook, I know that it is for one of the following irrational reasons: (1) Someone has UPSTAGED my success making my accomplishment feel less. Thus, I need to recognize that I am my own person (2) Someone I DO NOT LIKE has achieved success. Accordingly, I must “Un-friend” this person because I shouldn’t remain connected online with someone I do not even respect in person (3) Someone has ACHIEVED something that I want to accomplish myself, so I need to learn from their journey toward success and let it inform my own progress toward my goals, not intimidate me.
In conclusion, when a social networking site starts “bumming you out” for any reason, you need to log off or, perhaps, even cancel your account. Facebook should be fun; it shouldn’t be depressing. The larger issue though is, if other people’s happiness (in and of itself) is truly upsetting you, then make some changes in your online habits and, more importantly, your real life habits that are positive and self-empowering. If you start actively pursuing your own goals and then achieving success, then other people’s achievements may not bother you as much. Or, you could always just think about how many people must be jealous of YOU and YOUR FABULOUS LIFE based on all the interesting status updates and entertaining pictures you post!
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