And the Award Goes to.
Does the idea of standing in front of a mirror and appreciating your positive qualities feel uncomfortable and stupid? It did to me-which was a sign that I really needed to try it.
I first learned this mirror exercise in 1990, when I took a week-long course from my mentor, Jack Canfield, on self-esteem. Jack assigned the exercise as homework every night, saying, "Make sure you do this behind a closed door so nobody walks by and thinks you're crazy." Each night my roommate and I took turns going into the bathroom, shutting the door, and whispering sweet nothings to our reflections: "You're kind." "You're loyal." "You have a loving heart."
The first night, I felt like a California New Age woo-woo nutcase, but soon I experienced a rush of sadness; I was such an expert at judging myself-why was it so hard to say nice things?
With practice, it gradually became easier to list reasons to love myself: "You're smart." "You go out of your way to help others." And so on. But the real power of this exercise came when I learned to express appreciation for myself for no reason-to look myself in the eye and simply love who I was, unconditionally.
If you're like most people, consciously recognizing the positive about yourself may feel conceited. After all, we're raised not to "toot our own horns." So we end up not giving ourselves credit or acknowledgment or even worse, beating ourselves up, which shuts down our hearts, contracts our energy, and decreases our happiness levels.
Doing the research for my book Happy for No Reason, I interviewed scores of scientists along with one hundred unconditionally happy people (I call them the Happy 100). One of the things I discovered is that truly happy people have a compassionate, encouraging, and validating att itude toward themselves. This isn't arrogance or self-centeredness; it's an appreciation and acceptance of who they are.
Learning to see the positive about yourself starts by changing your brain's habit of focusing on your negative experiences and instead inclining your mind toward joy.
So today, begin registering your happy experiences more deeply-- consciously look for them. You can make it a game you play with yourself. Have the intention to notice everything good that happens to you: anything you see, feel, taste, hear or smell that brings you joy, a "win" you experience, a breakthrough, an a-ha, or an expression of your creativity-the list goes on and on.
This intention triggers the reticular activating system (RAS), a group of cells at the base of your brain stem responsible for sorting through the massive amounts of incoming information and bringing anything important to your attention. Have you ever bought a car and then suddenly starting noticing the same make of car everywhere? It's the RAS at work. Now you can use it to be happier. When you decide to look for the positive, your RAS makes sure that's what you see.
Adelle, one of the Happy 100, told me about a unique method she has for registering the positive. As she goes about her day, she gives away awards in her mind: the best-behaved dog award, the most colorful landscape design at a fast food drive-through award, the most courteous driver award. This keeps her alert to the beauty and positivity that is all around her. Charmed by this idea, I tried it myself. I liked it so much, I've been giving out these "Happiness Oscars," as I call them, ever since.
Once you notice something positive, take a moment to savor it consciously. Take the good experience in deeply and feel it; make it more than just a mental observation. If possible, spend around 30 seconds, soaking up the happiness you feel. If you want to accelerate your progress, take time every day to write down a few of your wins, breakthroughs, and things you appreciate about others-and about yourself.
You'll know you've really mastered this when you can give yourself an Academy Award-for outstanding achievement in true happiness!
Marci Shimoff
Based on the New York Times bestseller Happy for No Reason: 7 Steps to Being Happy from the Inside Out, which offers a revolutionary approach to experiencing deep and lasting happiness. The woman's face of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series and a featured teacher in The Secret, Marci is an authority on success, happiness, and the law of attraction. To order Happy for No Reason, newly released in paperback, and receive free bonus gifts, go to www.happyfornoreason.com/mybook
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