Article:
I love the holidays, but do we have to deal with
Aunt ______ psychosis again??
While it's a time of thanksgiving, love and family, it is also a time when family functions (or dysfunctions!!) bring out the best and sometimes the worst. It's amazing how a simple look, comment or attitude can set off a whole litany of internal "Little Voice" dialogue in your head. You know what I mean?
We have a saying around here, "true communication is the response you get!" If you are getting responses to your communication that are bugging you or not meeting your expectations... There is hope! What if there were a way to stay above all the miscommunications, hidden (or not so hidden) agendas and covertness. What if I told you that the issue is first managing the communication going on between your own ears? Amazing as it may seem, that when you lasso control of your "Little Voice," magically the rest of the world responds in kind.
You think I am kidding? This no joke. There are ton of them in the new "Little Voice" Mastery book. But let me give you a couple here that will help you navigate a happy and non-neurotic Holiday Season !
Here is one for dealing with Aunt_______.
When you get that look, attitude or comment that sends your "Little Voice" into a spin, tell yourself this..."She is really doing the best she can right now." This is not meant to be condescending or arrogant. It is not to make Auntie to be incapable or inferior. It is because in most cases it's the truth! We all do the best we can with what we know. Be-littling another person only creates more distance and covert hostility. Just keep saying it to yourself and you will notice your emotions settle.
Remember this is not about Aunt _____. It's about controlling your own emotions and your own "Little Voice". For Aunt _____....nothing is obvious to the uninformed. She doesn't know that her emotions are overriding her intelligence. She believes her "Little Voice" to be the gospel, but you know better...right?? You know that your "little voice" is not necessarily you nor is it accurate... it's a response based upon something else. (More on that in the book). I was taught this a long time ago and it has served me ever since.
Here is a second tip. Now some of you are going to think I have gone too far with this one. Some of you will probably even accuse me of being everything from 'airy-fairy' to touchy-feely to weird!
And I understand, because when I first heard this one that was my reaction. But just humor me for a minute... because when I was able to shut up my "little voice" reaction to this one, it created magic in every area of my life. Now, I am a believer.
Okay... so here we go....
It is said in the world of personal development that the opposite of love is fear. And that anger is really a reaction to fear. My friend Kim Kiyosaki said that one of her teachers advised that when your "little voice" starts getting angry and wants to lash out... simply ask yourself this question, "What would love do?"
When she first told me this, I thought it was crazy. "What would Love do??" my "Little Voice" said. "Love has nothing to do with it!" And of course, very soon after she told me this, I had an opportunity to use it with someone who totally upset me. I was ready to jump on the phone, write a letter and blaze them... can you relate?
Yet when I started to repeat "What would Love do?" interesting things began to happen. I started to laugh at first...(better than anger)..then I started to settle down (better yet!) I was actually able to get some perspective on the situation (good!) And believe it or not, within a few seconds..(not even minutes!) began to feel some affinity, concern and compassion for the other person. (Wow!) Then guess what happened? Ten minutes later, the person who had got me so upset called back to the office and apologized. (Magic)
I know there are times when your "little voice", like mine, says... ¨Love... shmuv...I don't give a ______what love would do..I just want to choke him!"
Simply repeat the "What would love do?" question enough times to yourself and you will find that your mood, mindset and perspective will change. Trust me... I am one of the biggest cynics in the world and as crazy as I thought it was..it works. If you are disciplined enough to ask yourself the questions in the moment and thus manage your "Little Voice", you and the world around you will instantly change.
Sometimes my "little voice" has to repeat it more than a couple of times, but in the end, it's like Ben Affleck says in the movie Boiler Room "...There is no such thing as a no sale call...¨ Either you sell yourself one way or you sell yourself the other way...."either way a sale is made...".the only question is...¨ which part of you is going to close? The winner or the loser....happy or upset....the anger or the love.
This is an extraordinary season for many reasons. It is an opportunity for great compassion and giving or for fear and selfishness. Which do you choose?
A "Little Voice" technique that my wife taught me long ago has served me in front of rooms, in negotiations, and with nearly any situation where there was the potential for frustration, anger and disconnection. Her advice to me in my early days of teaching were "Remember Blair, they are all doing the best they know how...just love them."
If you can do that, you will watch your entire world change before your eyes.
Be Awesome and Be Relentless!
Blair
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